Solstice
by IBelieveInSH
Summary: This is Edwards perspective after he leaves Bella in new moon. i have tried to stick to the story as much as possible by using all the information i could get from the ther books D enjoy!
1. Running Away From My Love

_I'm running away from my love. My life_, I thought to myself as I ran through the forest. Bella's' face swam in front of my eyes, her warm, deep brown eyes looking at me, believing the lie I said to her. My silent heart, though it had not beaten in over a century, grew heavy. My pace slowed as my eyes stung strangely like they wanted to tear but couldn't, and sobs racked my body. I fell to the ground under the shade of an oak tree. The squirrels that were nearby scuttled away at my approach. I bowed my head and let the misery overwhelm me.

In the direction of where Bella was, I heard the howl of a wolf. I started and leapt up. _What if she strays into the path of the animal? With her luck it is a possibility. _I thought. I took a step forward. _It will be as if I'd never existed._ My vow to Bella floated back to mind. I stopped, sighed and turned away from the memories.

I ran north. The others were at Tanya's place in Denali. Sadness and misery made me run slightly slower but that did not matter. As I drew closer, someone's thoughts entered my mind

_Edward. Edward are you ok? No of course he isn't silly. I miss Bella already._

I sighed. Alice ran lightly up to me, her eyes for once were not bright with excitement, but sad and solemn, the corners of her mouth turned down. I nodded slightly to her and walked slowly ahead.

"You can't leave without telling Esme. You remember what happened last time." Alice murmured quietly, her voice mingling with the sounds of the forest. I sighed as I realised that if I did that to Esme again I would feel horrible.

"Yes I suppose I should tell her." Even to me my voice sounded dead. Hollow. I looked at the ground. My eyes saw everything and yet saw nothing except Bella's face. Alice was trying to see where I will be going but could see nothing. I didn't even know where I could go. Maybe I could go to South America. The Amazon and go see Zafrina, Senna, and Kachiri.

"You have to come visit though. Promise?" Alice whispered as she stepped in front of my path, forcing me to look into her eyes. _Would I be able to be around my family though?_ I wondered to myself as I hesitated in my answer. I wasn't sure. Alice's gaze pleaded with me to say yes but I wasn't sure if I could say that. I breathed in deep, my lungs seeming shallow, my heart feeling as if it had disappeared.

"We shall see."

The minutes melted into hours, which turned into days, which blended into weeks and I still didn't move. The fiery burn in my throat felt weak; almost cold without the constant temptation in my wake.


	2. The Misery Never Ends

How long will my misery go on for? I thought to myself as I prepared to tell Esme that I was leaving .for now. Alice morosely walked up to me, her eyes looking down and her face even paler than usual. Edward. Do you have to leave? None of us want you to be alone. Especially now... Alice thought as we walked slowly around the edge of the forest near Tanya's.

We had been here for three weeks though it felt like three years and yet I still couldn't get Bella out of my mind. I can't think about her even though I miss her so- I groaned and sank to the ground unsteadily and stared at the grey clouds that blanketed the sky. Alice stood over me, her eyes concerned as she tried to look at my future. But there was nothing. Only black. Darkness. I avoided her gaze.

"Esme is coming. You might as well tell her now. Don't worry. She will understand." Alice whispered as she held out her hand to help me up. My body didn't fell weak exactly. But it felt exhausted though I could never sleep. My dead heart felt like it had disappeared and my entire existence felt like a waste. Even before Bella knew who I was, before I even met her, even when I was changed, I never felt like this. Like I didn't care if I lived or died. If that is what we do.

"Edward, Alice says that you have something to tell me. " Esme walked up to me and enveloped me in a hug. I hung there limply, using her support to keep me up as my eyes smarted peculiarly. Esme drew back an inch or two, to look me in the eyes.

"Oh Edward I know that it hurts but we all know that you are doing the best thing for her. Please don't hurt." Esme whispered too low for human ears to hear but it was fine for my vampire hearing. I looked at her pure, innocent face, which was full of love and compassion, then turned slightly to look and Alice, the chirpy, annoying, but sweetest sister I had ever wanted and then back to Esme. Could I really leave my family because I couldn't keep myself together? Because I couldn't be normal? I had no choice.

"Esme, I am leaving here. For now. I can't just sit her and think about-"I hesitated as my breath caught in my throat. "- about Bella. I need to do something anything instead of letting the misery wash over me! I am so sorry Esme." By this time the rest of the family had gathered around and stared at me sullenly. Everyone knew that this was going to happen. Tanya hung back, her strawberry blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, but I couldn't see her face. She looked at the ground and her thoughts were sad as she believed that is was her fault that I was leaving.

"Do not worry Tanya. Cousin. It is not your fault. Never think that. If anything you have helped me. And I am sorry that I am leaving you all but I think that it is the only way. Because I can see that my sadness is bringing you all down especially you Jasper." Jasper looked at me and a swirl of tranquillity overwhelmed us all. I smiled at him and he grinned back. I owe you so much Edward. But I know that this will pass and all will be well. Jasper thought as he turned to Alice and held her hand. I turned to glance at Rosalie and Emmett. For once Emmett was quiet and not grinner, his thoughts sombre as he relived the way I had been with Bella. Rosalie looked down as my eyes met hers. Maybe I was too harsh on them both. Maybe he does need her. Rosalie though. Carlisle looked at me, grief that I was so unhappy emanated from his thoughts. I stepped forwards, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Carlisle. Father. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for believing in me. That is all I could ever ask for. Thank you. All of you." And with that I ran into the forest no knowing where I was going, when I would come back, or if I could come back at all.


	3. The Call

As I strolled through the faceless crowd, thoughts of meaningless happiness and laughter floating through my head, my silent heart cried out for one thing it wanted. It needed. Bella. I gritted my teeth and walked into an alleyway. The clouds that blanketed the sky meant that the sun couldn't penetrate the Earth, allowing me to walk alone. I don't even know where I am. San Diego I think. My hands shook slightly as I stared at the alleys walls.

A couple walked past the entrance of the alleyway laughing and images floated through my mind with sickening images of Lovey-Dovey moments that made me shudder. _Bella and I could have been like that if I was human._ I thought grimly as my silver cell rang shrilly, making me jump.

"Edward, how are you? How are you coping?" A trilling voice rang through the tiny speaker.

"Alice, why do you even ask? You just need to focus on me and you know my future." My lifeless voice sighed.

"I was just being polite. I am sorry Edward. And that is the reason I called. Bella-"

"No. Don't mention her. Don't look for her future either. We have done enough damage." My throat burned as I spoke the words too harshly. "Sorry that was uncalled for sorry."

Alice hesitated. "Edward you know that I see things without meaning to. I don't search for her future I just... see... it. I can't help that. I am attuned to her now." Alice's voice had turned miserable by the end and sounded like she wanted to cry if she could.

"Just... try not to look for her ok? I will know when something happens... and when that time comes... I will organise everything to be taken care of." I looked at the entrance and looked at the people carrying on with their lives, worrying about trivial worries such as what to wear? And what should be for dinner? That reminded me I needed to hunt soon and my throat burst into flames. "Alice I need to go and hunt. I will call you later, ok? I love you sister."

"Okay Edward but remember, you are always welcome back home at anytime. Goodbye." Alice murmured. I hung-up the phone. As I walked back out of the alleyway I nearly ran into a young man, around early twenties, with cute brown curls and hazel eyes, his mind blabbering on about a red haired woman he just caught a glimpse of. I stopped dead in the middle of the pathway and ignored the people complaining about him as he listened harder the mans' thoughts. I knew it. I know her when I see it. "Victoria." I snarled and walked slightly too fast to be natural for humans in my stress and haste as I left the city where I sprinted to where I thought I would be able to find James' mate.


End file.
